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She squeaks when she blows her nose. He eats like a rabid pig.It's just not working out.
We've
all spent some time stuck in a relationship we didn't wantto be in because we didn't have the heart
(or some other equipment)to end it. Maybe we don't want to hurt someone we've been close to, or
worse, maybe it's clear right away we're dealing with a nut andwe don't want to be the trigger for
an economy-sized bottle of Prozac and a six-week stint at the Bendy Willow Psychiatric Center.
So
what do you do when it's completely obvious you're just not meant to be together? You break up. Or,
you try to break up, don't quite hit the mark, and end up sucked back into the awful relationship
for round two, because you just couldn't make it stick. Is there a way to make it permanent without
causing permanent damage?
The key is to have a plan, a good plan.Location, Location, Location. It's
really important to pick a good strategic breakup setting. The best places to have "the talk" are
both public but fairly private, with a convenient escape route. The best location? Outside,walking
at a park. It's crowded enough to ensure you won't havea big scene, but private enough your dumpee
won't feel like he orshe is naked at a funeral. Other agreeable break up locales include restaurants
(but not a favorite restaurant) or a walk around the block. The worst place to break up? At a party
or work. The only thing worse than being dumped is being dumped in front of people you're going to
have to see on a regular basis.
Timing Is Everything.
Another key to effective breakups is precise
timing. Breaking up at a park gives both your dumpee and you the chance toleave once the deed is
done. If you're ending the relationship at a restaurant, do it only after the check has come and
you've paid for dinner. (And by the way, if you're about to dump someone,you should DEFINITELY be
buying dinner.) There's nothing more horrifying than being dumped and then having to sit
around making small talk for another 20 minutes while you're waitingfor the check to come. (As in,
"Hey Lula, what are you doingnow that you don't have plans for tonight? Laundry?")
Happy Freaking
Birthday.
Never break up with someone within two weeks of a major holiday or his/her birthday. Make
that a month for Valentine'sDay and Christmas. There's no faster entry to the Bitch/BastardHall of
Fame than permanently destroying the holidays for yoursoon-to-be-ex. It's just not nice, and you
don't want that what-goes-around-comes-around thing biting you in the ass when your turn as the
dumpee rolls back around.
It's Not You, It's Me.The first thing to remember is not to drag it out.
The longer it takes, the worse it is for everybody involved. Whenever you end the relationship, be
sure to make your reasonsrelevant only to you. Say, "This is not working for me." Stickwith your
basis and keep repeating yourself over and over ifnecessary. It's impossible for someone to argue
with you about reasons that pertain only to you. If you end up getting sucked into a situation where
you have to list grounds forwanting it over, you may find yourself in for an encore. If you say, "we
fight too much" or "you don't seem happy" your soon to be ex partner may offer to change, taking all the air out
of your break-up and landing you right back in the relationship.
Hire A Hit Man.Worst-case scenario,
you're too much of a weenie tobreakup with your girl or guy yourself, you can alwaysresort to the
newest companion service to online dating.For a fee, lets breakup.com will inform your
wish-you-were-my-ex of the relationship's demise by phone, email or snailmail. Certainly not the
most sensitive approach, but it gets the job done.
***Lisa Daily is the author of Stop Getting
Dumped! All you need to know to make men fall madly in love with you andmarry "The One" in 3 years
or less. At bookstores everywhere. As seen in/on Cosmopolitan, Men's Health and Ricki Lake
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